My Digital World

Today, my research in Zeist ends. However there are many things to do for optimizing the CO2 sensor. According to my contract, my research ends at the 1st of January, but for my M.Sc. project as well as for writing the abstract for a paper for the biggest conference in US, it is still a long long way to go. The many bugs that I fixed seem to come back at the final stage of the developping process. Besides many unknown things occurs, which I have solved some of them with my supervisor Sjaak in these two days. We have had tough hours, but we also knew how to enjoy of the difficulty of the project.

Sometimes things seem to be very straight forward and very easy to do. However once the focus is on, simple things might turn out in a total dunno-what-to-do. For my M.Sc. project I encounter many problems. The weirdest thing is, is that I start this project without studying any materials about the whole principle. I easily skip the research part of the literature. All information I get, comes from my supervisor. That is just a few hours talk. From this talk, I end up with the thing I have now. The result might be good enough to write a paper for the biggest Biomedical conference of the world. I should be proud of my project that I reach the top. But to be quite honest, inside myself I am very disappointed at myself. Why? I am not a good researcher. There are lots of things I still do not fully understand. And the sensor is still not finished yet. Because of these, I do not fully agree to take part of writing an abstract which I am the second author.

Once I was a very good guy who has usually the most perfect report. From my Primary School, I get the full score of writing a report or a documentary. The teachers were very impressed in the additional things I add or things I have sorted out. Although it was the perfect report (on paper), I still can see that there many things I can improve.

Now you might think I am a perfect guy. Maybe once I was, but now I am not. I personally think, when I have a project, I will do my best and the results will not disappoint me. I am a very easy satisfied person. I do not need the best of the best mark for all my projects/report. I just want the mark that I have worked for.

When there is competition of picking up the best report, I never doubt that my report will not be selected. As long as I know that I work hard for it and do my best, I am sure people can see it and will appreciate. At my final year of my Secondary School, I have a final project for my subject Biology. My project finally ran into Ow-No results which neither me or my partner, even my teacher, had not expected. For that final project, the teacher will select some best of the best reports of all the Biology classes only, to send it to Wageningen Univerisity for a competition. Me and my partner (his name is Bas) had worked very hard for it, since we want to belong to the best. But finally our experiments fail. Although this faillure the teacher sends us report to take part of the competion and he gave us the best mark, because we had done good job.

Also for another biological project, DNA analyse, my group has the best results and the best report. But the good guy of mine seems fading off during these few years. Now, the biggest chance of my life (so far) comes by: the biggest conference in the biomedical world. All the biggest biomedical companies are attended. Before the conference, only a few universities are allowed to take part of it. All of them may write an abstract and only the best abstracts are selected in which then the paper will be published and a speech is given.

Before I start this M.Sc. project I have a goal. I want to write one or two papers. And secretly I am also eyeing on getting a patent for my design. I am glad that I almost get my first target. But I have no confidence in myself that I will do a good job, since the results are really not good enough to belong to one of the best abstracts. Although a P.hD. student is also taking part of the abstract, because it is a mix of her promotion and my research, I feel very bad that I do not have the results I want so far. Partially because I am not a hard worker anymore. I do not spend full time on my research. I really lost motivation in studying. It is really time for making money in stead of studying.