My Digital World

I dunno why I don't have the happy feeling in these few days. I wonder whether it is because of the pressures that come from my business, my preparation of my oral (which I didn't prepare at all), my bad supervisor who delays my project (that takes my motivation to do my work well away) or maybe it is simply because I am starting being burned out.

My week start with paying the bills of around 1000euro. I ordered some weddingbooks and ink cartridges for my Epson Pro plotter. When I did a short revision of my decission, I notice that I might do a very bad step. There are many roads that lead to Rome. Somehow, the road I chose, took me a lot of money.

When I collected all the items, I noticed that my plotter is not working properly, since (after browing through the manual) , I forget to replace the cleaning box as well. That means the 650euro I spent was not enough. Coming few days, I will buy that missing item. (That means, another few bucks will leave my door).

Starting business really needs a lot of money. Although, I have almost the best equipments of Nikon and other gears, there are many other other stuffs I need to invest nor to buy. The money on my bank account seems like a rain that leaves the sky one by one. Sometimes very slow and sometimes very fast. I dunno how long this rain will take. I really hope I will see the sunshine very soon.

I did go to Kannai's office for doing negotiations with the bosses. That negotiation process was the longest discussion about the price I ever had. I took the train that leaves Rotterdam Central Station at 09.17h and I finish with a deal at 16.15u.

I really do not appreciate the way how Kabnai treats me. One thing is very clear to me. My first lesson of my business is that people do not really want to pay for the quality. They are very happy if you have a product that is "good enough". In their world, their definition of "perfect" is a thing that can satisfy their need. Even you will come with a real excellent product. Don't think they are willing to pay you for that.

On of my identities is my approach of to be a perfectionist. I want my customer to get the highest quality. So far, no one is willing to support me with my goal. Many of them said, if it looks OK, then it is perfect. I wonder whether I am so "strict" or that the Dutch people incl the DBC (Dutch-Born-Chinese) do not know what a real good thing is and how to appreciate it.

The last few days, I do not have slept for many hours. I dunno why I can't sleep well. Maybe it is the rushing shooting. The day after the negotiation, I have to do the commercial shooting. Luckily, I have Aletta who wants to help me, since you cannot book a model immediately. Besides, my budget is limited. So hiring a model from a model agency is not sensible.

Although, I can get a model, I am not able to book a MUA and Hairstylist. I was little worried that this shooting will not turn out what my cousin wants to have. To my surprise, he is happy with my shots.

The pics do not turn out as what I personally want. I do not blame on the retoucher, since she really did a good job to try to help me. The bosses of Kannai are the one I (and the retoucher) have to blame on. They ask me to finish 4 photos that will be used for adv.

I work very hard these 3 days. I just sleep for a few hours. At the end of this trip, I receive a reasonable salary. So far, this amount of money is the highest rate I get in my photobusiness.
It is weird that I am not happy with that money. OK, I am still very underpaid, but at least I am satisfied with what I get now. I think it is true that money will not give people happiness.